Matchmaker Secrets: The Six Predictors of Dating Success
I had the chance to meet one of the authors of this insightful book at the International Matchmakers Conference in New York City last month. Elizabeth Cobey-Piper is an optimistic and upbeat matchmaker from Ohio who has a down-to-earth approach to matchmaking. She and her co-author, Susie Hardesty, came up with these six predictors of success after many years in the matchmaking business. I think what she has to say may be helpful to my clients who are currently navigating the dating scene.
The first predictor of dating success is what Cobey-Piper and Hardesty call the Priority Predictor. The Priority Predictor is pretty self-explanatory. Someone seeking love needs to make finding love a priority in life. I see a lot of singles with super busy lives who are not willing to fit finding love into their schedules. Work is important. Friends and family are important. Working out is important. Binge watching television is important. Yet, many singles long for love and still are not willing to make finding it a priority. Without making finding love a priority in life, Cobey-Piper and Hardesty say many singles won’t. So carve out the time and then take action!
The second predictor is the Belief Predictor. Cobey-Piper and Hardesty say that singles need to believe that love is possible. The Belief Predictor goes on to say that someone seeking love needs to believe that a person who is a good match really exists and that it is possible to find that person. I’ve seen the opposite occur when heterosexual men or women make disparaging comments about the opposite sex or when any single person spouts off all the reasons that it is impossible to find love. Cobey-Piper and Hardesty don’t weigh in on this as much, but I believe another important element of the Belief Predictor is what the single person thinks of him/herself. If you don’t believe you are worthy of love, then it can’t find you. These sometimes negative beliefs about the self often go unrecognized. It takes effort and attention to identify negative beliefs about self and others, but it is well worth it to identify the beliefs that may be getting in the way of our goals.
The Third Predictor is the Open Predictor. Cobey-Piper and Hardesty say, “love is looking for you, so be open to how it shows up. Free yourself from the constraints of your preconceived ideals and allow love to surprise you.” We live in an era where we can pop our criteria into a matchmaking application and whoosh out come all the candidates who live within ten miles of us, who are x feet tall or a size 6, who love all the things we love and think the way we think. We are sorely disappointed when Mr. Six Feet Tall meets all those criteria but isn’t particularly nice and doesn’t love us. If one is looking for love, don’t make so many hard and fast criteria. Love can present itself in many forms, with many different ways of thinking and you just never know what can work. Maybe you dated someone with curly hair in the past and it didn’t work out. Don’t write off all the curly headed individuals you may meet in the future! I know in my own experience my husband didn’t check a number of my “must have” boxes and still our marriage works. I think you'll find that to be more often true than not.
The fourth Predictor is what Cobey-Piper and Hardesty call the Balance Predictor. This one I love because it speaks directly to the emotional ups and downs of the of dating experience. I've seen it online where a dater might get so excited about someone they see online and then that person doesn't respond to an email and they are already so infatuated when perhaps that person isn’t active or is not even real. I have a client who I just adore who understands that he's going to have to meet a lot of people to find the right one. He doesn’t get overly excited about any one person nor does he get overly depressed about any one person. A date coach can really help someone with that emotional balance and perspective.
The fifth predictor is the Vehicle Predictor. Cobey-Piper and Hardesty say “give love a way to find you and give yourself a way to find love.” They recommend at least three “vehicles” to find love. Those vehicles can be using online dating services or working with a matchmaker. A vehicle can be making a habit of going out to places where other single people hang out which includes mundane places like grocery stores, book stores and outdoor events as well as organized singles events, speed-dating and Meetup groups. When you use these methods, you can’t go one time and say, “Meetups don’t work” or “I tried Match.com for a week and didn’t meet anyone.” Be patient with yourself and others and make sure you are getting out and doing it. Everyone knows you cannot hunt from the cave.
The sixth predictor is the Action Predictor. It is all well and good to have these new concepts committed to memory, but now you have to take action. Just thinking about finding love and making your vision board of the perfect person does not bring that person to you. These thoughts and images are important and really helpful if they aren’t so specific as to blind one to other possibilities. Still, without concrete action, nothing will happen. Cobey-Piper and Hardesty say that action is needed in all the other predictors. It will take action to make finding love a priority. It will take action to examine beliefs about self and others and to change any beliefs that are getting in the way. It will take action to open up to love in all its forms. It will take action to stay balanced on the emotional roller coaster ride to love and it will take action to find and “drive” your vehicles.
These six predictors are awesome! From my own experience in life and dating it is clear that when one of these elements was missing, I didn’t reach my goal. I invite everyone to take the Six Predictors quiz that Cobey-Piper and Hardesty developed. When my friend Susan A. took the quiz, she was surprised that she was getting in her own way of finding a new love. Here’s the link to the quiz:
Http://MatchmakerSecrets.com/quiz
Have fun with it. If you find any great insights about your dating experience, feel free to share it via email or sign up for a time to talk below. Let us know if we can share your story in future issues of The Heartbeat.