This month’s article focuses on the commonalities in human behavior when it comes to love and money. My dear friend told me about a class he took based on the workbook, How You Do Anything Is How You Do Everything. The fact that he never cracked the book during the course was a powerful and funny lesson for him. Perhaps our behaviors around love and money follow the same anything/everything pattern.
Three of my favorite Financial Planners, Charles Calloway of Primerica Advisors, Debbie Ash of Ashbridge Financial Solutions and Martin Noble of Edward Jones have agreed to weigh in on this article, just to make sure we are keeping it between the lines. Together, let’s address some common aspects in love and money.
Do Your Homework
Charles had a lot to say on this topic, not just from a financial advisor point of view, but also as a matchmaker (Go Charles!!) He asks his single friends to address the following questions when looking for a mate.
· Has your intended been married before? What was the learning from that relationship?
How does your intended treat his/her parents and strangers?
How does your intended act when s/he doesn’t get what s/he wants?
In today’s world you can do your homework by checking out a new love interest on line. How does this person show up on social media? Do they have a history of trouble with the law? It is all pretty accessible through the wonders of modern technology.
Your financial homework is to go to a third party source to corroborate your investment plan. Get others’ perspectives before forging ahead financially.
Don’t Judge a Book By Its’ Cover
Financial investments as well as love can sometimes be swayed by what is glitzy or pretty. Martin noted, “It may be tempting to buy a popular investment, however it may not fit with the rest of your portfolio, and it may be risker that you expect. When considering an investment, it is important to evaluate how it fits with your overall goals, comfort level with risk and your diversification. Buying into an investment that is popular or hyped may actually distance you from reaching your financial goals.”
In love, don’t be swayed by glitzy glamor photos that reflect only the exterior of a person on an extraordinary day. Look deeper to understand the character of an individual.
Staying the Course
Charles, Debbie and Martin agree that when you have a good financial plan, you sometimes need to “stay the course” through ups and downs, knowing that the plan is sound. Charles says, “invest in a strategy that has a high probability of you reaching your goals.” It doesn’t mean you don’t “tweak” your portfolio from time to time, but you don’t change your entire investment strategy because of temporary circumstances. Martin adds, “it is important to hold a long-term perspective when investing. This will help you weather storms and allow you to focus on what you can control – holding a diversified portfolio of quality investments designed for your specific goals, time horizon and comfort level with risk. Frequent reviews of your portfolio and strategy help you stay on track through proactive adjustments when necessary.”
Similarly, successful long-term relationships didn’t get to be long without wading through significant ups and downs. Expect that any long-term relationship is going to have its highs and lows and sometimes you need to “stay the course” if you’ve committed to another person. If you are on solid ground, keep working at it, tweak what you can and have faith.
Understand There are No Guarantees
In finances and in love, there are no guarantees. Being married doesn’t guarantee you will never experience loneliness. Having an investment plan doesn’t mean the market won’t tank. Protect yourself with diversification. Even though you are in a long-term committed relationship with another, do you have great relationships with friends, family and yourself so you can survive should you lose your significant other to death or divorce?
Martin reminds us, “In financial planning, it is important to manage risk. A diversified portfolio is a key component to help you ride the ups and downs of the market. An investment that underperforms inside a diversified portfolio becomes a disappointment rather than a disaster. Also, make sure you have the right protection in place to help you and your loved ones should unexpected death or disability occur.”
Bad Investments
In love and in money how often do we “throw good money after bad?” Do we sometimes fail to own up to bad financial choices we’ve made? Do we keep at a love “investment” even after realizing it was a poor choice? Do feelings of shame prevent us from owning up to our poor choices so that we can make changes? It’s important to be honest with ourselves and others both in our financial and our love lives and to take the necessary steps to make things right.
Seek Professional Advice
Debbie, Charles and Martin agree that we shouldn’t make big investments without a trusted financial planner. Debbie says that retirement is our biggest financial goal and it should never be taken lightly. She feels it important to work with a financial planner who understands your unique situation and can coach you to your goals.
Similarly, in our love relationships it pays to get expert advice from a matchmaker, date coach or therapist. Why go it alone? In the world of love, you can get help in all the following areas: finding someone special, recognizing a destructive relationship, maintaining a relationship through the inevitable ups and downs and surviving the loss of a relationship.
You Cannot Win If You Do Not Play
In all aspects of life, you can’t sit in your home all alone with your head buried in the sand and expect to grow your relationships or your money. It takes action on your part. Don’t be an ostrich!
Thank you to
Charles Calloway of Primerica Advisors (Primerica.com/charlescalloway),
Debbie Ash of Ashbridge Financial Solutions (www.ashbridgefs.com) and
Martin Noble of Edward Jones (www.edwardjones.com/martin-noble) for their thoughts on this topic. If you are looking for a financial advisor, you won’t go wrong with any of these fine people!
Wishing you abundance in all aspects of life!
Kate Freiman-Fox, Ph.D.