Happy Fourth of July Everyone!!
Don’t you love the festive fireworks and the celebration of all things summer that come with this holiday? It’s inspiring to know that some extremely courageous people almost 250 years ago had the chutzpah to know we can make it on our own and to bid a hard-fought farewell to colonization. Beautiful, exciting, scary independence was won!
Our images of Americana are chock full of independent, scrappy pioneers who performed feats of extreme physical endurance on solitary ventures across the unknown. Our American icons look like the Lone Ranger and the Marlboro Man. Stephen Covey in his famous book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, explains that the current social paradigm, “enthrones independence. It is the avowed goal of many individuals and social movements. Most of the self-improvement material puts independence on a pedestal, as though communication, teamwork, and cooperation were lesser values.” Covey posits a “higher” level of human evolution, a higher degree of maturity than independence alone – “Interdependence.” He explains, “If I am physically interdependent, I am self-reliant and capable, but I also realize that you and I working together can accomplish far more than, even at my best, I could accomplish alone. If I am emotionally interdependent, I derive a great sense of worth within myself, but I also recognize the need for love, for giving and for receiving love from others. If I am intellectually interdependent, I realize that I need the best thinking of other people to join with my own.” Only independent people are able to live in an interdependent world. When dependent people get together, they become co-dependent which is very different from interdependence.
Basking in the glory of our own independence, do we reject help from others? Sure, I can wash my own car, but why not do it together? It is a lot more fun. I can accept a ride from a friend or a stranger opening the door for me. It builds relationship. We don’t need to interpret a lover’s outstretched hand as implying we don’t have hands of our own.
On Independence Day we celebrate while we remember that it IS important to come together with others, to play nice in the sandbox, and to recognize our inextricable link to one another. We do accomplish so much more, and our lives are so much richer, when we fully appreciate the value in being and working together.
Remember The Lone Ranger and the Marlboro Man? The Lone Ranger would never have made it to a second episode without the exquisite attention, love and caring of his famous friend, Tonto. And we all know what happened to the Marlboro Man. I hope this July 4th is a time when you can fully recognize your own personal independence while you savor the interdependent joy of the company of others.
With a smile and interdependent hugs!
Kate Freiman-Fox, Ph.D.