This month we are so honored to have Helen Moses weigh in on communicating effectively. We think this topic is so valuable to our readers as understanding and being understood are the hallmarks of all great relationships. We’ve asked Helen, who is a voice and messaging coach, to talk about some common difficulties in verbal communication and some simple and inexpensive ways to work on being a better communicator….
“If a tree falls in the forest, but no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” I imagine you’ve heard this question before. The answer according to physics is yes, of course, it makes a sound! I ask philosophically, however, “Does the fact that it makes noise really matter?”
When it comes to human relationships, the question becomes, “If you are speaking but no one can understand you (or no one is interested enough to pay attention) does it even matter that you are talking?” My answer to that is a resounding “No!” You are wasting your breath, your time, and your energy, as well as the time and energy of your potential partner.
Relationships are all about connection, and making a strong connection is impossible without successful two-way communication. Improving your verbal communication is possibly the best way to make being in a relationship easy.
Here are the top three reasons why people may not be able to understand you (assuming they don’t have a hearing loss):
1. You mumble.
. 2. You speak with an accent.
3. You speak too fast.
People are reluctant to tell you they don’t/can’t understand or hear you. This is because they don’t want to offend or embarrass you. It can be awkward to ask someone to repeat themselves again and again. It’s also possible they don’t admit they can’t understand you because they don’t want to appear weak. Regardless, if they won’t tell you when they don’t understand you the chances of this relationship growing in a positive direction are very small.
To combat these common communication barriers, try the following tips:
1. If you mumble…
a. Pay attention to the movements your tongue and lips are making when you say different speech sounds in your words. Slightly exaggerate your lip and jaw movements when you talk to increase your enunciation.
b. Sit and stand with good posture when you are speaking. You will not only look more confident but also will sound and feel more confident, which tends to naturally make you speak more clearly.
c. Breathe often to help you project your voice better. Frequent breathing also helps calm heightened nerves. Don’t let your voice trail off at ends of sentences. Instead, pay attention to when you are getting low on breath and tank up whenever you need more fuel for your voice!
2. If you have an accent…
a. Address it upfront. You can say something like, “Sometimes people have trouble understanding me because of my accent. If that happens to you at any point, please let me know.”
b. Add more pauses in your speech between phrases and sentences so the listener can process what you just said.
c. Determine the sounds you are most likely to mispronounce. The most common ones for non-native English speakers are TH, W, V, Z, L, and R. Seek guidance on how to produce them correctly, and practice before you meet someone! (One helpful resource for learning standard American English pronunciation is the website Rachel’s English (https://rachelsenglish.com/) which has many free videos and tips.
3. If you are a fast talker…
a. Pause more often – at the ends of phrases, sentences, and thoughts.
b. Allow your pauses to last at least one full second between sentences. They can last for up to three seconds when you are shifting topics.
c. To slow down, as is recommended for mumbling, make slightly exaggerated mouth movements. Doing so takes longer and decreases the number of words per minute you can utter. Moving your mouth more won’t slow you down enough to make you sound unnatural. It will help you be understood.
The bottom line when communicating is to set an intention to connect before you start a conversation. In addition to the tips outlined above, here are some bonus tips for making strong connections when communicating:
1. If you are in a situation where you can’t understand someone, speak up in a respectful way. Don’t pretend to understand when you don’t.
2. Take time to truly listen and see things from the other person’s perspective. The better you get to know them, the easier it is to relate and connect and to build on that foundation.
3. Don’t interrupt. Let them finish their thought before interjecting yours.
4. Don’t make the conversation all about you.
If you would like some unbiased feedback on how you come across when you speak as you prepare to be in a new relationship, sign up for a free 15-minute “How do I sound?” call with me and I’ll be happy to give you my honest opinion.
Happy connecting!
Helen
Helen Moses is a voice, speech, and communication expert with over 30 years of combined experience as a singer, speech-language pathologist, and public speaker. In 2013 she founded Command Communication, PLLC, where she helps her clients leverage their voices to make better connections and maximize their potential impact.
Helen Moses, Your Voice and Messaging Coach
Amplify Your Impact: Leverage your voice to get the results you want. #SpeakToConnect
mobile/text: 984-212-7220 | www.HelenMoses.com