I’m not a big fan of New Year’s Resolutions. It seems like we shouldn’t wait until the new year to make multiple changes in our lives. Still, there is nothing like another year rolling past to make us reflective, possibly leading to identifying things that need to be made better in the days to come. In this month’s musing, I’d like to spend some time talking about the value of coaching in reaching your personal, professional and relationship goals whether or not you call them “New Year’s Resolutions.”
Even Michael Jordan had a coach, so why shouldn’t you?
In the matchmaking/date coaching business I’m mostly met with enthused curiosity when I talk to people about my services. Sometimes, however, the welcome is not so warm. Some people quickly walk away from me as if I had a highly contagious disease. I was bewildered by this response from adults at singles events who were presumably looking for a romantic relationship. Why wouldn’t they want what I had to offer? So, rather than sit around wondering, I asked. The response I got was typically some variation of, “I can do this on my own” or “you want me to pay MONEY for THAT??” I get it. Matchmaking and date coaching are things that many of us are not familiar with. Still, most of us have had some experience with being on a team of some sort. Perhaps we’ve played a team sport, been part of a business team, participated in theatrical productions or played in a musical group. If so, we’ve all been coached to learn new things or to improve on our existing skills. Why should one’s dating life be any different? I know I never took a dating class nor got any coaching whatsoever to improve my dating skills other than perhaps 8th grade dance class or Seventeen magazine. Maybe it is time for that to change. Maybe it is time to treat our dating and relationship lives as conscientiously as we approach preparing for a job interview or a big test.
So what is the value of coaching?
We do not know what we do not know! A coach is an expert in their field. He or she likely knows something you do not know about whatever you are endeavoring to do. The coach also has a different set of eyes and different mental filters and can shine a mirror up to you so you can see yourself in a new light. Just like there is a vast store of things that you know about yourself that others do not know, there Is a great deal that others know about you that you do not know about yourself. It is a coach’s job to shine a light both on the aspects of yourself that work and those that don’t.
Feedback. I received a Fitbit for Christmas (Thanks, Bro!). It is a simple feedback form to let me know if I have walked my 10,000 steps each day. I can’t fake out the Fitbit. I do argue that it doesn’t always give me “credit,” 😊 but the numbers are there at the end of the day without judgment – just simple facts. In a similar way, you and your coach will set measurable goals and track your progress towards them. You may not be able to see your own progress and a coach can point out when you are getting closer to your goal or how you might make small adjustments to get even better results.
Motivation. Let’s face it, making big changes in our lives is not easy! A coach can spur you on when you are faltering. Way back in my college years I had a running buddy named Susan. Neither of us were “runners” but together we would run 10 miles on a pleasant Saturday or Sunday afternoon. What I remember most was that as my energy was failing and I wanted to quit, Susan would shout words of encouragement and I could keep running. Miles later when she was getting fatigued, I would do the same for her. A coach can be that person shouting, whispering or chanting words of encouragement, helping you to remember why you started on this path in the first place and keeping your eye on the goal when you’ve lost sight of it.
Shameless Advertising!
We at Authentic Connections see that value of coaching in helping our clients reach their relationship goals and we’ve created two coaching packages:
The “Keep Me Honest” package is the simplest and most affordable. Authentic Connections will serve as your weekly “accountability partner” with a 30 minute weekly check-in to help you stay true to the goals you set for yourself.
The “Relationship Ready” package provides weekly hour-long coaching to address anything that may be getting in the way of finding true love. This package includes practice dates to get the feedback that you’ve never gotten before on your real-time dating skills. You might also take an in vivo flirting class or be accompanied to your favorite singles spot by a trusty wing man or woman.
As always, there is a la carte coaching available to all Authentic Connections clients and these sporadic sessions can help you keep your head above water as you wade through the sometime turbulent waters of dating.
Parting Words:
If you are up to big things in life, there is nothing like a trusty partner to encourage you along the way. If the coaches at Authentic Connections aren’t a good fit for you, we have many associates who might be just perfect and we are happy to refer you to one.
With gratitude for who you have been in the life of Authentic Connections and with hope and great expectations for 2018, I wish you a very happy new year!
Hugs!
-Dr. Kate Freiman-Fox