At a recent reunion for the psychology department at the University of Kentucky, I met a wonderful psychologist who works right here in Cary, NC. Dr. Sara Rosenquist is a sexual and reproductive health psychologist. We started talking and began what I hope is a long, ongoing conversation about love & relationships and everything related. Dr. Rosenquist is a master at taking what’s new in the field of psychology and applying it to our everyday lives.
In relation to our sex lives, Dr. Rosenquist says that in order to have a healthy sex life, three parts of us (the brain, the heart, the body) all have to be in sync. Too often we pay attention to only one or two of these aspects and the results can be unsatisfying, unhealthy or even hurtful to self and others.
In his book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Steve Harvey talks about following a 90-day rule before having sexually intimate relations with a new love interest. As much as his book is overflowing with sexual stereotypes and cringe-worthy comments for this feminist, I must say I agree with Mr. Harvey. Ninety days of getting to know each other gives both people enough time to determine if taking the relationship to the next level is a good idea. Remember, Dr. Sara’s advice? The head (your logical self) has to be in alignment as well as your heart and body. If what you are after is a long-term committed relationship, use your brain; sex can wait. If your body is screaming for attention, take care of yourself! Science has proven you will not go blind or grow hair on your palms.
-Dr. Kate Freiman-Fox